I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
