As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
