you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
