I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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