i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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