I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
