Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so let's talk penis.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
