It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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