You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
