Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
