Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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