I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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