we made out on top of his cat.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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