You're completely useless in the revolution.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
