I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
