its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
