I am spending my child support on dildos
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
