I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize