Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
