ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize