I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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