Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
