HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
