i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
