I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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