Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
