why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
