mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just had sex on a roof
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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