seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I love you. Go after that dick
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
