Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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