My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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