how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
