She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I FOUND THE LEGS
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
