You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
