Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
