I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
