Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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