Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
