It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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