The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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