i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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