In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
