chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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