quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
