After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It was confusing and full of hummus
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
