4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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