How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
