we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize