Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
