something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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