Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
