OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize