Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
dude. I can hear the air.
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