He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
