Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
