Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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