im having a threesome with these popsicles
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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