I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
