Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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