Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
