I puked a lego.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
