And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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